put your jokes here :D

Put all your funny jokes here !!! =D

there was these 3 guys who was working on the highest building setting was olny one day left before done 1st guys takes a bite of lunch and looks at other three and statedman if i get another tuna sandwhich i jump off this building second guy takes a bite man if i get a bean burrito again im joining u third guys takes a bite if i get a pband j i will join u guys also.. next day came first guy tuna sandwhich gets on edge second guy open lunch bean burrito join on edge looks back at other guy last guy pb n j join them then they all jump off... next was was there fenural all said and done and first wife says i thought he liked tuna sandwhich i been giving it to him for 20 years 2nd wife sayd i thaught he liked bean burritos i been given it to him for 40 years third wife says well hell i know y ur husbands jumped off but i dont know y mine did he packs his own lunch

I heard this from a character while I was playing Fallout 3

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one of them turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

This one's from mom

A girl is driving down the road, when she sees a guy on the side of the road crying. She gets out and asks him what is wrong, which he replies, "I was driving, when a rabbit ran out in front of me, I tried to avoid it, but hit it and it died."
The girl says, "Wait a minute, I have something in my car." She came back with a can and sprayed it on the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up and runs down the road, stops, looks back and waves. Continues down the road, stops, looks back and waves again. He continues to do this until he dissapears out of sight.
The man, astounded, says, "That's amazing! What is that?" She holds up the can for the man to read. The can says: Brings hair back to life, adds permanent wave

Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?" The other replied,

"Yup, a big one... 20 years."

"Wow," said the other, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?"

The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia."

"Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?"

"Go back and get her."

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks.

Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.

All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.

They glared at us with looks of disgust.

Suddenly, we realized why.........we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them...

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."

"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"

"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap a way from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune..... Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

Another from Fallout 3 I just remembered

I was going to attend a Clairvoyence Meeting, but it was cancelled due to unforeseen events.

My signature pick up line is kinda like a joke.


'Hey baby you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive.'

Yah Im a nerd.

i droped leek pie

One day speroc, chancman and zrams shoul walk over a bridge. The bridgegard stopped them and says: Your dicks have to be 40cm together to pass this bridge. Chance man had a 18cm one, speroc had a 20cm one and zrams had a 2cm one. When they had passed the bridge Cahancman says: If it wasen't for my 18cm dick we haddent got over. Speroc says: If it wasent for my 20cm dick we hadden't got over. Then zrams says: If I haden't got horny on that gard we could never pass!!

Two guys are walking down the street. One walks into a bar, the other one ducks.

Two Bear Hunters
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies." hahahaha i love this one have fun

whats the diference between a jew and a boyscout?

a boyscout comes home from camp.